


Positively Lewd

by ZeldaByrdeBishop



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Lewd Photography, Smut, Spellwood, awban compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26125810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeldaByrdeBishop/pseuds/ZeldaByrdeBishop
Summary: Zelda Spellman takes advantage of the invention of cameras and uses it to....interrupt Faustus' first sermon.
Relationships: Faustus Blackwood/Zelda Spellman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Positively Lewd

**Author's Note:**

> This is unedited shits and giggles fun. The idea popped into my head and I couldn't help myself. Impish Zelda is my favorite Zelda. I hope you all enjoy!

1879

S é lestat, France

Zelda ran up to Faustus as he paced outside the library. “Faustus! I left my Satanic Bible at home - I was out with Constance and lost track of time. May I borrow your text for two minutes to write down a few verses. I know how much this sermon means to you and I’d like to be prepared to encase your wisdom.” She looked up at the warlock with the largest Bambi eyes she could muster, holding onto his Bible over his hands.

Faustus was clearly nervous. This was his first time preaching to the congregation as part of his training to be a church leader and he’d been preparing this sermon for weeks. Zelda had already heard it at least 10 times as he’d run his material by her under the guise that he needed an “impressionable ear to appreciate his words so that he could gauge where to include his dramatic pauses” and over the past few days he’d become absolutely insufferable, therefore when Zelda had been confronted with a diabolical idea, she simply couldn’t help herself. 

“Fine. You have two minutes! No more,” he obliged, letting go of the text to resume his pacing, so overly consumed with his own worries that he couldn’t smell the mischief wafting off of her. Zelda smiled and quickly ran into the library, setting the Bible under one of the library’s green glass laps, pulling out glue and two photographs she had secretly taken and developed in the basement of the church, one of her posing nude with a blanket just barely covering her intimates, and the other...the full show. The witch bit her lower lip in attempt to silence her giggles as she sealed the first photograph inside the front cover of his Bible, while leaving the other where she knew his sermon was meant to take place. She felt positively rotten, admiring her handiwork. How delicious! 

****

Zelda couldn’t stop smirking as she watched Faustus step up to the podium in his large Satanic robes, placing his Bible on the podium in front of him. The warlock’s voice was practically tembling as he cleared his throat before greeting the congregation. 

“Ten francs says he’ll faint,” Edward whispered to Zelda. 

“Edward!” Hilda scolded as Zelda chuckled.

The red headed witch held up her finger to Edward, ignoring Hilda. “5..4..3..2..”

Faustus opened up his Satanic Bible and froze. His face went white as a sheet before growing into a beet red. 

“What did you do?” Edward asked, the grin in his voice growing as Faustus only looked more uncomfortable when he turned to the chapter he meant to focus on, finding the second photograph. 

Zelda shook her head, twiddling the button of the collar of her dress as Faustus looked up at her, his eyes huge - aghast. “Never you mind. Just...make an excuse to Father stating I’ll be late to dinner and don’t expect our dear Faustus to wander beyond that podium,” she finished with a wink.

“Zelda!” Edward scolded, more impressed and amused than angry. 

“Hush, children! Where are your manners!?” Their mother whispered harshly before whispering to their father, “See. He’s quite incompetent. It should be our Edward up there.”

Hilda clutched her Bible, biting her cheek, wishing desperately for the exit. 

Zelda smirked and licked her lower lip before biting it as Faustus began again. He slowly began to regain his footing - he  _ had  _ given this sermon in his sleep - but she couldn’t help but smirk as he shifted uncomfortably behind the podium whenever he glanced back down at his Bible, re-confronted with the pictures. 

***

It was a miracle he got through the sermon, but he did. 

“Did you enjoy my present?” Zelda asked coquettishly as she stepped foot in his study, coyly shutting the door behind her as she set her parasol in the umbrella cage. 

Faustus turned and immediately grabbed the woman forcing her against the wall inciting a giggle from the witch, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

He made quick work of hitching up her skirts, lifting her up by her thighs as he groaned into her neck, “You. Zelda Spellman are a hellish imp.” His nails cut into her soft flesh as he ground her into the wall causing her to moan. “You almost ruined my sermon with your wickedness.”

Her eyes met his, dilated, full of desire, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Sounds like you’ll have to punish me...”

His eyes glinted pressing his body against her’s hard enough to pin her to the wall in order to free his hands to unbuckle his britches, letting them fall at his feet before grabbing her hips, thrusting into her already sopping center. “It’s the Dark Lord’s will.”

Zelda’s head fell back against the wall at the sudden entrance. Her nails digging into his neck as she groaned, “Shouldn’t- you- be getting- to Constance?” She asked between thrusts, the friction of the back of her dress against the wall as the buttons dug into her back sending titillating shocks of pain down her spine with ever move. 

“Constance can wait,” He growled before thrusting harder, pulling a delicious cry from her lips as her legs trembled around him, bringing him closer as she tightened them around his waist. 

***

1967

Greendale, USA

“I can grab it for you!” Prudence called as she reached for his personal Satanic Bible when he claimed he’d needed one.

“No, Prudence!” He growled, using magic to whisk the Bible into his hand. “No one is to touch this Bible. Not  _ ever _ , am I understood?”

This daughter’s shoulders shrunk as she tried to remain tall. “Yes, Father….I’m sorry.”

He nodded, resting the book on his desk. “Now go join your sisters to fix yourself for Black Mass. Judas’ Night Mother will be here shortly to attend him for you…”

“Yes, Father,” she replied, obeying swiftly, leaving to join her sisters.

The high priest opened the cover of the Bible, revealing the lewd photograph his son’s Night Mother had left him over a century ago. The ancient glue having discolored the old photographs ink, leaving it warped, but still exquisite. Perhaps it was time. Constance was dead and gone. He had a male heir to his throne, the Lupricalia was almost upon them. Perhaps, he would make them official - there was truly no woman more devilishly cruel than her. 


End file.
